In this confusion.

I learned to love someone with all my life..
But there came a point where I got tired, not of loving, but of sacrificing all that I have.

Then a thought came to my mind..
I have given everything but received nothing
but pain and tears in return.

Is this enough to really prove I love that person?

Or is it a sign telling me to stop sacrificing and learn to love myself a little more?


Sometimes, the people whom we've known only for a short amount of time, have a bigger impact on us than those we've known forever.

What am I holding on to?

There are things that I don't want to think, but I can't forget.
There are things that I don't want to continue, but I'm afraid to end.
It's like I don't expect anything anymore, but I'm willing to wait.

You can always close your eyes to the things that you don't want to see, but you can never close your heart to the things that you don't want to feel. And right now, I feel terrible.

I have so much to say, but I just can't put them into words.

You may not be perfect, but you'll always be enough.

And you know what?
It's better to say something direct to the point than to keep someone guessing. Because maybe, their intepretation is different from what you really mean.
So it's either you want me back or you don't.
Don't leave me hanging there by a thin thread, because I will chase you around for awhile,
But there will come a point where I'll stop and walk away.

It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen, but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want. You are my 'want'. I'm sure I've stated that clearly last night.

You said that I'd be your everything if it wasn't because of all these complications.
What complications? Life is simple, we just decided to make it complicated.

It hurts to see someone you love ignoring you, it also hurts that he doesn't feel your love. But it hurts even more that he loves you too, and just doesn't want you to know.

Maybe he's doing the same thing as me... maybe he wants so bad to call me, but just won't because I haven't called him... then again, maybe I shouldn't fill myself with false hope that he might just be missing me like I'm missing him.

It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert. And I can't even cry anymore. I've cried too much. Feeling empty for far too long.

I miss you :( so much.
And I dunno what to do to make this hurt go away.
I wish you wanted to be with me the way I wanted to be with you.

I was much better off before I met you.

What happened on the rooftop, stays there.

Okay lah. Damn kesian you people.. so I'm not gonna delete this blog yet haha.

MALAYSIAN NEW YEARS CELEBRATION WAS AWESOMEEE <3

Location: Major Maniam's house @ 5th Av.

Party started around 9pm-ish but I was there bout 6pm to help out with decos and stuff.

The drinking started the minute people started arriving :D I had one at the beginning... and the rest.. well.

Piccies!

Kawan from Sri Ramachandra Dental :)

Batchmates :D

The boys :)

How did i look? ;)

Some of 'em girlies.

halfway to my journey of highness, I got a bike ride frm one of em seniors.

Hence, my very super duper elated face:

Fire crackers were waaaayyyy too loud.

oops hahah terbalik.

Mr Bartender <3

We had like 9 full bottles of liquor. Smirnoff.. whiskey..

Dancin'

But it sort of drizzled a lil.. so we continued our party in the house.

Towards midnight, everyone was soooooo fcking high.

Some started dancing like mad.. some were emotional.. some were happy.. some were just dying on the couch.

ahaha. see?

There were ppl shouting frm the rooftop..

and some were doing shit with their phones, calling ppl saying IM NOT DRUNKKKKK!!!!!

I think a fight almost happened :S

I was being happy, sitting around :P

But yeah, I'm not proud to say..

I was wasted. Again.

2 raw shots of Bacardi.

And cups and cups and cups of coke+liquor.

We stayed over at the place..

Wide awake and sober til 3am-ish?

:)

I realised that I tend to wake up early after a long night.

Got up around 8 this morning feeling awesome :)

I had fun though. like, massively. :D

I hope u had a good new years too!

This year:

Let the wrong ones go.

Let the old dreams die.

Let the right ones in.

<3

The Painful Truth.

So we have broken up about 2 weeks now. We still talk. But it's not the same anymore.

And I thought I was doing okay.

Truth is, I'm not okay.

My nights are empty without you.

Everytime something good happens, the first person i wanna tell would be you.

When things go bad, the first person i wanna talk to would be you.

If I have something to complain, the first person I wanna complain to would be you.

But then I realise, you're not there anymore. And it hurts.

"I'm your xmas present. do what you want." I guess I just lost my gift.

I feel so stupid, sitting here missing all the times we had. Sitting here missing you.

I fucking miss you all day, everyday. And you have no idea how pathetic it makes me feel because i have no idea if you miss me back.

Seeing you in college everyday isn't exactly helping the situation either.

But i guess that just because you miss someone, it doesn't mean they belong in your life.

I don't understand why someone so perfect had to come into my life and then just leave.

You knew it wasn't gonna work, but you still went with it. and then left me broken in pieces.

You may see me smiling around college, but deep inside, I don't mean it. because I'm so hurt to the point where I don't even wanna see your shadow. seriously.

Because every fucking time I see you, my heart just dies. Everyday, I'll die over and over again.

I can never look at you another way ever again. Instead of knowing you as just the senior in 3rd year, i see you as my ex-boyfriend. fml?

I keep telling myself that things will be better eventually, but you know what, it's not. It's fcking not getting okay. I'm not okay. I'm tired of pretending like I don't care. When inside, I really do care. A lil too much.

i've totally given up on x'mas. because i know no matter how much i ask for it, you're never coming back.

why

No no no no…

Why this Kolaveri Kolaveri di

Why this Kolaveri Kolaveri di

Empty Life, Uh

Girl you know you, Got me feeling Stupid

Right now..

You’ve got Me Drinking

Shots of Whisky

Trying to forget this bullsh**

Love is Blind

Although i tried, This Has gone on too long

You told Me Lies, So Many Lies

I want to Start Over..

Baby I am Dying Now, I don’t know why you’re smiling

This is how you broke my heart and

I can’t believe I loved…. you,

no no no

How could you do this to me,

do this to me, do this to me…

sing it me with now

How could you do this to me,

do this to me, do this to me…

Sing it me with now

yeah yeah

this is how we do it in the uk..can you feel me

All the colours are fading , fading

i don’t like this feeling

I used to see the moon and the stars

but now the skies are empty

Love is so blind

Although i tried, This Has gone on too long

You told Me Lies, So Many Lies

I want to Start Over

1…2..3..4..

How could you do this to me,

do this to me, do this to me…

sing it me with now

How could you do this to me,

do this to me, do this to me…

no no no no….

why this Kolaveri Kolaveri di

why this Kolaveri Kolaveri di

Drastic.

Hi guys :)

wow it's december already?

haha

well anyways,

2011 has been really weird.

it's been going up and then going down.

drastic changes happened.

people walked into my life,

touched it briefly then left.

many others walked in, waiting to leave.

some will stay.

but whatever it is,

i've decided to delete this blog.

I've kinda lost a reason to keep it.

no no, im perfectly okay.

I just don't wanna do it anymore.

So when the end (or maybe before the end) of December comes,

I will delete this.

I'm not sure if I'll start blogging anytime in future.

but for now.

i need a break.

see you guys.

thanks for dropping by.

Hangover

I realised this place has been dead for awhile

ahah

my bad.

been really caught up with life and it's problems.

So just a lil update..

I went clubbing last night at Candy Club.

FML

the club was awesome possum.

It was like secluded behind this hotel..

AND IT WAS LIKE MOS PART II.

damn nice.

I still remember the music man.

Got invited by the seniors to celebrate one of their brithdays.

As i was pretty upset bout life.. all i wanted to do was sit there and drink.

Got there, had one vodka shot (Ramanov?). I was still okay.

HAHAHA

then i heard shite.. and had another shot withink half an hour.

I dunno why, but the second shot got me so fucking wasted -.-

Then...

someone came to ask if i was good.

I just started crying.

I freaking cried and cried and cried.

I cried all the tears that I held in for so long.

I was talking shite.

Damn wasted.

I dont remember anything right now.

People had to carry me back.

hahaha.

1 other friend was tipsy like feck.. and one was high.

I was just drunk.

But on the way back, I remember they had to stop for someone to puke.

HAHAHHAHA

and the tipsy fella started crying in the car.

Woke up this morning and everyone's like asking

''dude, do you remember what happened last night??"

Seriously,

what happened last night?

I am really tired right now.

and i have this anatomy test to study for.

gahhhhh.

why

Middle Meningeal Artery

HELLO!

Yes I went BACK to MALAYSIA.

&

now I'm BACK in INDIA!

:)

HOME was awesome possum :)

Met up with my favourite people.

Ate my favourite food.

Spent time with the family :)

And it's kinda sad I'm back here.

Best welcome-back-to-India gift:

NO WATER WHILE I WAS SHOWERING HALFWAY.

Damn good lah.

Brought back loads and loads of food to tantalize my taste buds hahahahhaah.

Check FB.

Went back to class today..

Oh did I mention how fcking muddy this place is?

Because the raining season has come.

Aih.

Incredible !ndia

Anyhooos,
it's good to be back with friends.

It's just us and nothing else haha

Naughty naughty~

To be honest,

the freedom is insane.

but of course,

you shouldn't take advantage of that freedom haha

Recent Happenings.

Yawns.

Why HELLO THERE :D

So yes I know my recent posts have been pretty boring.

Partly because by the time I come back from class,

3/4 of my brain cells would've died..

and my creativity all sucked out.

So today,

I'll talk bout India.

Not all the piccies are here because if you're smart enough,

you'd stalk me on the brand new Facebook.

The roomie and I!

Camwhoring in class whilst waiting for the lecturer.

I'm so small beside her D:

And this is the annoying Kanchana (Malaysian fyi).

She sits beside me all the time.

Classes are pretty normal.

I have Anatomy, Biochem and Physio 3x a week.

I carve wax blocks 3x a week for a few hours.

Killer. But I'm loving it :)

Forget bout that.

Next up is the malls! :D

So usually, we would take the Auto (google it).

Most convenient... and from my POV, expensive.

Snapshots!

This is Express Avenue,

India's version of Pavilion.

Though Pavilion is of course, a trillion times better.

There's also Skywalk and Spencer Plaza.

But no pics sorry!

The pics are all jumbled up so... HAHA sorray.

So yeah.

India has like... the fanciest names for roads and streets.

They can be very damn Indian.. or very damn English.

Like the piccie above,

you turn left to Harrington Rd.

&

Straight up to Nungapakkam.

So the rich would stay in places like Thousand Lights and 14th Avenue, 15th Avenue.....

Nearby,

there's a chocolate shop called Le Chocolatier.

I really don't wanna start mentioning the chocolate chess... and the huge chocolate bunny......

But however fancy it may be, it's still darn dusty -.-

SAVE RAIN WATER.

like...

WTH???

Ahhhhh... the toy shop @ Express Av.

Hamley's!

Esprit.

Something familiar eh? :)

They have:

The Body Shop

Esprit

Charles and Keith

Marks and Spencer

BURBERRY (I know!)

M.A.C

Puma

Nike

Adidas

BlackBerry

Canon

Seiko

Sony Centre

United Colours of Benetton

SUBWAY

BASKIN ROBBINS

and..

a few more that I don't remember.

But..

OKAY RIGHT?

I can survive here.

Inside EA.

And omggggggg...

the cinemas here are fcking awesome!

The place where we buy tickets.. TOUCH SCREEN.

and their toilets.. *eye balls fall out*

Pictures when I go for a movie next time ;)

Did I mention that the Suzuki Swift here is like Malaysia's Myvi?

They're all over.

Basically.. if you know where to go, you'd actually have lotsa fun here :)

So anyways,

I gotta go!

We're off to do some charity work at some orphanage :)

Will blog bout that next time round.

STAY TUNED!

You know you love me ;)

x

Lazeee.

It's a lazy Sunday.

Spent Saturday night freaking out over Heartstrings. (Yong Hwa <3)

Well WHAT THE HECK?!

It's SUNDAY.

The only free day from class t.t

I'm really really bored.

I don't like to go out because it's hot.

And makes me spend moneymoneymoney.

CAN'T WAIT TO COME HOME! :D